QUITE WELL IN THE MIDST OF THE MOMENTS OF A PANDEMIC
By: Karen Griffith RN MSN BC-NC
As I write this, I’m thinking of how this year started for me. Most definitely, my year did not start out with me feeling "quite well." We all started 2020 with different dreams and plans for the year. Most of us had dreams and plans that were far different than where we ended up in the midst of the pandemic. My plan was to start up my part-time virtual nurse coaching business, but that didn’t happen until early Fall, and it actually has turned into nurse coaching by way of writing, which was not what I had planned at all. Here is a little peek at how my story of 2020 unfolds:
BUSY HOLIDAYS AND A BASKETBALL GAME
As 2019 was coming to an end after a busy holiday season, I suddenly became ill on December 29th. My partner Sam and I had been to a college basketball game that day with his children and grandchildren.
It was very fun, and I felt tired that day and not “quite well,” but I blamed it on post-holiday fatigue. It was a Sunday, and I was due to work the next day.
THE RUNAROUND
After struggling with body aches, a dry cough, and a fever all night, I woke up weak and unable to work the next day, which was December 30th. Feeling no better and even worse, I took off the next day, which was New Year’s Eve. I was hopeful I would have New Year’s Day 2020 to fully recover and be back to work on January 2nd, but I knew I was getting sicker and weaker by the day. After staying home on New Year’s Day, Sam took me to a walk-in local clinic January 2nd, where they did labs and a chest x-ray and diagnosed me with a virus that they said just needed to run its course. I went home feeling very sick but yet determined to rest and let my body heal. When January 3rd came, I was so very weak, I could barely stand. The alternating every four-hour doses of Tylenol and Ibuprofen were giving me glimmers of hope when they took effect, and my fever went down, making me feel better, but the fever ALWAYS came back! The fevers were truly RELENTLESS! I told Sam we had to go to the emergency room at the larger hospital, which was 90 minutes away. When we arrived, they triaged me and did the usual labs and chest x-ray. Once again, I felt truly like I was getting the runaround treatment and was told it was a virus that had to run its course, and I would be better soon and could even go back to work, but I should expect to be a little weak, so let’s just say, I would not be “ quite well.” The next day, which was a Saturday, January 4th, I was determined to abide by the rules the emergency room doctor had given me, and I stayed home and rested all day taking and alternating the Ibuprofen and Tylenol every four hours.
FIRST WEEK OF 2020 IN THE HOSPITAL
Early on the morning of January 5th, I was the weakest I had been during this illness, and I told Sam we had to go to St. Louis to get me treatment and someone had to figure out what was going on. I must say at this point, I truly felt I was on death’s doorstep. We arrived at the ER of the large St. Louis hospital and had to wait in the waiting room for well over an hour. The nurse even brought me Tylenol in the waiting room until they could get a room freed up for me. By the time I got to a room, I was barely able to walk. My monitor was full of intermittent arrythmias and tachycardia. My oxygen saturation was in the low 90’s, dropping to the 80’s often. The doctor had a look of concern on his face I had not seen before in any of my prior healthcare visits that week. He immediately ordered a chest-x-ray where they did find right-sided pneumonia, but the biggest concern seemed to be that my liver enzymes were elevated. They were concerned I had taken too much Tylenol while I was sick at home, but I knew I hadn’t taken too much, since I had been alternating with Ibuprofen. Since they didn’t have a room available upstairs, I had to stay the night in the emergency room. Sam went home for the night to return early the next morning to find me still in the emergency room. My heart rate had continued to be erratic and irregular all night. It was so noisy in the ER during the night. I heard the security guards walking shackled prisoners by my room off and on all night. All that separated me from the staff and the main emergency room hallway was a curtain.
When the same doctor arrived in the emergency room the next morning, he ordered a CT-scan of my chest and abdomen, which showed the pneumonia was covering one-third of my lower right lung, and I also had smaller infiltrates of pneumonia in the left lung. The main concern continued to be my elevated liver enzymes, which I had not ever had elevated liver enzymes before in my life. It was quite scary because as a nurse, I knew my liver was vital for my healthy existence. I am, and always will be so grateful to the emergency room doctor who took the time to think outside of the box and find out what was wrong with me!
Once I arrived up to my hospital room over 24 hours after my arrival to the emergency room, I was placed on telemetry and given antibiotics. I was still having regular episodes of temperature spikes and my body aches and cough were a little worse. My heart rate was still irregular and abnormal causing the nurse to come into my room quite often.
My temperatures finally started becoming under control the next day. They had stopped giving me Tylenol due to suspicions I had taken too much of it, causing my liver enzymes to be elevated, and at that point, they only gave me Ibuprofen. The pathologist soon confirmed that my Tylenol level was normal, and the rise in the liver enzymes could not be explained at that point, but my liver enzymes were slowly coming back down to normal.
GOING HOME WITH BIG SURPRISES TO FOLLOW
I was discharged home on January 9th feeling much better, but not “quite well” yet. It honestly took me through the middle of February to feel well enough to work. My concentration and focus had been affected, so going back to work was quite scary, since I wasn’t quite 100% well yet. I was happy to be back and working on project work that I hadn’t done before, and I appreciated the challenge. I was discharged home just in time for the birth of my grandson!
NEW GRANDBABY!
I so miss regularly seeing my children and grandchildren! My fifth grandchild was born January 13th, and I’ve only held him a handful of times since he was born, but thankfully, I was there for his birth! My children are honestly all very busy trying to work and keep themselves and their families well during these unprecedented times. As a parent, I am very proud of all my children for the way they have handled themselves and their families during this public health crisis. As all parents are feeling now, a pandemic is definitely not something I ever wanted my children or grandchildren to have to experience.
Then... the unprecedented beginning of the pandemic happened in mid-March, and Covid-19 became a Coronavirus pandemic and consumed all of our time and attention, both on the job and off the job. I also wondered at this point, if that was what I had back in January, but no one was testing for it in the beginning of January when I was so very ill. Even though I was already working part-time from home, I was forced to work full-time from home in mid-March due to the potential spread of Covid-19. There was (and still is) so much unknown about the Coronavirus, also known as Covid-19, but the positive tests, as well as deaths from Covid were going up daily in the United States and all over the world, with New York getting hit particularly hard in the beginning phase of the pandemic.
By the end of April, the patient volumes in many departments of the healthcare system I worked for were declining rapidly. The rapid decline in volumes were largely due to closures of outpatient departments and surgery departments across the healthcare systems.
Then, the unexpected happened yet once again…I got the notification I was going to be furloughed for no longer than 3 months and would be brought back to work on or before August. 1st. It was quite scary, but they assured me it was temporary and even gave me a raise before I went on furlough. I had worked for the company over 18 years and was promised I would be reimbursed for the pay I lost that unemployment did not cover.
CHILDREN’S BOOK
I decided to use my furlough time wisely and write a children’s book about the pandemic to help parents, teachers and children. My grandson had given me the idea for the book one night early in April when we were chatting about him going home the next day. He had been visiting for a few days and did not want to go home. I told him he had to go home and get back to school. He had already had school cancelled for over a month due to the pandemic, but the word was they were starting back the next week. He said, “Grandma, I’m not going back to school.” and I asked him why? He replied, “You know Grandma, because of that “thing.” Little did we know at that time, but the virus he referred to as a “thing” would truly keep him from going to school for quite some time. He and all my grandchildren are now back only to a hybrid format of remote and in-person learning due to the rising cases in the area.
MOTHER’S DAY 2020
My family, like many families this year, have missed celebrating several birthdays together, as well as my grandson’s basketball season that was cancelled, summer vacations that had to be cancelled, and the list goes on and on. We did manage a wonderful Mother’s Day gathering on my daughter’s outside deck. I think the most painful is missing those get together visits with family that were “just because.” Yes, just because we love each other, and want to be together and share what is going on in our lives. Now, we actually have to stay apart because we love each other. Sam’s mother is in a local nursing home, and we have only been able to phone her, and we can’t visit her in person. We very well know this is the safe thing to do, but it is so very difficult not to be able to go see her.
PERSONAL MOMENTS
I fear the isolation from this pandemic is finally impacting me. Unfortunately, I was notified that my job was being eliminated in late July. I’m not quite sure it’s safe to say this yet, but I am hopeful this job loss might be a blessing in disguise. I have enjoyed spending more time with Sam, doing yard work, writing, reading, growing a garden, discovering Netflix, and just thinking about what I really want to do in the future. This may sound absurd, but I have to say that coaching myself seems to have become my new full-time job! I’m doing what I think is the best self-care I can for myself, as well as seeing my primary care provider when needed. Sam and I are trying to stay safe and at home, but it is getting tougher every day, and so difficult not to see our families. We are working on planning a weekend trip to a local wildlife and river area. We definitely realize the importance of the mask wearing, social distancing, and good hand hygiene, but it is still continuing to become more difficult. I have suffered what possibly maybe (what I like to call) “pandemic panic attacks,” and they are not because of the pandemic directly, but because of the fallout of the pandemic, including the isolation from family and friends, the lack of a job, fear of family getting sick, the lack of the ability to travel safely for vacations, the lack of the ability to shop without worrying about contracting the virus, the lack of our children and grandchildren to have a normal school day, and the lack of certainty really about anything.
A TIME FOR OPPORTUNITY AND MEDITATION
On a happier and more positive note, I am truly aware that this is a time to take advantage of opportunities I didn’t have before the pandemic. For me, that opportunity is writing, polishing up my resume, completing my linked in profile, looking at business opportunities as I look for a job, eating and living healthy and helping other seniors do the same by writing senior health articles, getting plenty of exercise, and sharing my own experiences about the year 2020. I also have my calming daily walks with nature and God, sending up as many prayers as I can for all those that are suffering from loss of loved ones, loss of health, loss of jobs, loss of financial security, and loss of a certainty that we all probably now feel we took too much advantage of before the pandemic.
A PERSONAL SPIRITUAL MOMENT
The one certainty I do have is that God is always there for me to lean on, and I know he has given me much peace and comfort in 2020, even though the waters have been rough this year. Many of us have more moments available now to think and reflect about potential opportunities during this time that we may never have had before the pandemic struck. It’s happening all over the country and the world, and things are being done in different ways we never could have imagined before the pandemic. People are utilizing their time in amazing ways to help themselves and others during these truly difficult times. The day to day moments of wonder have given rise to new ideas and new ways of doing things that actually have resulted in some of the same (or even better) outcomes than we had before the pandemic. It is really “quite well” in this respect that the changes that are happening are the result of sparks in creative thinking that we have all had to put into high gear during the pandemic.
HOLDING SPACE
Yes, most all of our lives have been changed forever by Covid-19. I would love to hold a space for others to share their stories of how the pandemic has changed their lives, but I haven’t quite figured out the best container to hold that space in, but I am working on it!
GRATITUDE FOR THE MOMENTS
All is still definitely not “quite well,” but I am grateful for the ability to write and put my thoughts into words! My health is okay at the moment, Sam is recovering from a successful back surgery, my children and grandchildren are healthy at the moment, I have food to eat at the moment, a bed to sleep in at the moment, and shoes to put on my feet at the moment. There are many that do not have these things at this moment, therefore, they are far from “quite well,” and we need to continue to keep these people in our thoughts and prayers. Things are changing by the moment, and the moments are so very precious. I feel if we can positively change someone else’s moment, it will mean we have positively changed ours as well. I would love to do so much more to virtually connect with and help others. I’m on a personal mission to stay “quite well” myself, and help others do the same during these very unprecedented times.
Stay “quite well” my friends, and I can't wait to stay in touch with future blogs!
Karen Griffith RN MSN BC-NC
optlifenurse.com